


The Guardian

by uwukechi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, LOVE SQUARE IS ENDGAME!!, Season 3 Finale, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:18:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwukechi/pseuds/uwukechi
Summary: She never expected to become the Guardian. She never expected for things to turn out this way, to watch as the boy she loved slipped through her fingers. And to keep herself from trying to hold on to him. When all was said and done, she was alone. Surrounded, on all sides, by loved ones, yet alone entirely.When she closes her eyes, she sees a familiar pair of green eyes, staring back at her... No, past her. A face, framed by golden locks, and a smile to set her heart aflutter, though it is never for her.And when she opens them, eyes of a sky blue shade. A face of someone who sees her, whose lips curve for no one but her.





	1. Chapter 1

_"It's you and me against the world."_

_"Just like always."_

* * *

From the platform, she watches as the train pulls away. Tears fill her eyes, though they do not spill over, do not stain her flushed cheeks and leave trails in their wake. She holds them back, without thinking. _You have to be strong_. It is something within her that silently urges her into compliance, quiets the sadness swelling within her, desperate to break the surface at long last, though it must not. Not yet. Her heart shatters within her chest, and she patches it up with tape and glue; a messy fix, but a necessary one. It beats uneven against her ribcage, as though it has lost its natural rhythm. She inhales, lips trembling as the air fills her lungs. Exhale, and take a step forward, now. _You have to be strong._ The breath that leaves her should have taken the sadness with it, should it not? Yet it didn't, for the pain has made itself a home in her heart, has settled into the marrow of her bones. It has carved its name into her flesh, and grows stronger long after she forces her legs to move, to carry her further away from the one who knew her secret. The one she didn't have to lie to, yet he, too, was gone, was he not? He had relinquished his title to her. He had trusted her with something so precious. 

_You have to be strong._

* * *

This scene is unfamiliar to her, it feels so foreign. She watches the boy beside her, whose golden flocks dance in the gentle breeze, whose green eyes glance in her direction, filled with warmth. Once, she may have clutched her chest—oh! How lovely he is, how kind and beautiful and dreamy—may have felt her cheeks burn fiercely whilst she averted her own gaze. Words may have become a mess on her lips, coming out wrong, all wrong. And yet, her heart beat now with a different purpose. Each thump of the organ within her chest is painful, she feels a lump swelling within her throat. In this heartache the sun wouldn't shine, birdsong would pass as if the melody couldn't glide through the air as it once did before.

But she must let go, for she loves him. With her entire being, she adores him. She has devoted herself to him, has allowed every part of herself to fall in love with every part of him, though he has yet to notice it. He has failed to notice the way she gazes at him with adoration. Perhaps he has eyes for another? Yes, she thinks he must, for she's seen the way he plays so well off of the girl she knows is awaiting his return. She glances, and can see her out of the corner of her eye. She is pretty, Marinette thinks. Perhaps prettier than herself, though she knows he is not so vain as to fall for someone based upon their looks alone. They compliment one another in personality. She's watched as they interact, seen how he seems to come alive by her side. He'd never been like that with _her_.

Oh, her heart breaks once more.

He says something to her, hands her the freshly scooped ice cream. She does not hear him, but offers him her smile, though it lacks the light it once carried. He does not seem to notice as they part ways, and she cannot help but look back. Regret washes over her, for what she sees breaks her heart even further. In her palms, she holds it together.

A voice in the darkness breaks through her sorrow, and she glances down to see a pair of blue eyes gazing up at her. Luka is seated on the floor, and she takes her place next to him. 

They are all together, she notices, glancing around at her friends. Warmth should have spread through her chest, should have brought a smile to her pretty features, yet it does not. The smile she gives is forced, much like the one she offered Adrien moments before.

She never expected to become the Guardian. She never expected for things to turn out this way, to watch as the boy she loved slipped through her fingers. And to keep herself from trying to hold on to him. When all was said and done, she was alone. Surrounded, on all sides, by loved ones, yet alone entirely. 

When she closes her eyes, she sees a familiar pair of green eyes, staring back at her... No, past her. A face, framed by golden locks, and a smile to set her heart aflutter, though it is never for her.

And when she opens them, eyes of a sky blue shade. A face of someone who sees her, whose lips curve for no one but her.

"Are you okay?" Luka asks, and the false smile finds its way to her lips once more. She does not reply directly, but she notices: he's the only one to have picked up on her sorrow.

"Can I hear my song, now?" she asks, instead, watching as he moves to lift his guitar into his hands.

"Are you sure?"

She nods softly, once, and his fingers dance across the strings in a beautiful harmony. At last, a smile forms on her lips. It is small, not meant for anyone else to see. It is a smile for herself, and for the boy she shares this moment with.

Amidst the darkness, she feels a flicker of hope alight within her.


	2. Chapter 2

The nausea swirled unrestrained in her empty stomach, her head swam with half-formed regrets. Her heart felt as if her blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. Her melancholy mood hung over her like a black cloud, raining her personal sorrow down on her wherever she went. Even the colors of the spring day were drab to her now, and the birdsong so much like noise on a child's glockenspiel, grating her nerves. Never before had her companion weighed so heavily, tucked away within her purse, though she supposed it made a bit of sense that Tikki felt like more of a burden than a friend. And yet, as the thought entered her mind, she felt regret pool in her stomach. This was not Tikki's fault, and yet the Kwami represented the burden that weighed so heavily upon her shoulders. 

Mornings came along, and Marinette wished nothing more than to lie in bed, to shield herself from the sun filtering through her windows. Perhaps she might've tucked herself away, beneath the covers. And yet, she knew better. Were she to suddenly exhibit these behaviors, her loved ones might question her wellbeing. And if they questioned her mental stability, things could quickly go downhill. Regardless of whether she _was_ currently mentally stable, she would force herself from the bed, and greet the day with a smile. In the mirror, she would glance at her reflection. Her new smile did not quite meet her eyes, did not hold the joyfulness of a girl filled with youth and energy. Rather, it seemed tired, _exhausted_, even. As though she had seen more than her years should have allowed. For a moment, the smile slips, and she nearly breaks. She does not want to go to school, does not want to face her friends with her necessary lies and hidden truths.

It is hard, so hard, not to break down at the sight of herself. It's gotten difficult to sleep at night, she'd admit to herself, in her thoughts kept safe in her mind. She swears she can see dark circles lining her eyes, and fears Alya will notice. Alya, of all people, would know. She would know something was up. She would be the one to know the false smiles from the real, and perhaps a part of her takes comfort in this. She can never reveal the truth—this much she knows—but perhaps she can relish in the warmth that a friendship brings. Perhaps she can find a piece of her happiness once more, and slowly, she will put herself back together. Oh, but when, exactly, did she break? She cannot pinpoint the exact moment, and wonders if she's been falling apart the entire time.

* * *

It is difficult, much more so than she could have predicted, to sit behind _him_. In her heart, she knows he was never hers, but she wished he was. She wished very much. But if she never had him to begin with, then why did it hurt so much to lose him. When he waves at her, her stomach forms into knots, and the butterflies that were once there vanish, replaced by regrets. So many regrets.

And yet, she smiles through the pain, and offers him a half-hearted greeting of her own.

It is almost easy to slip back into the flow of daily life, to take her seat beside her best friend and listen to the chatter that comes from her. She nods, and smiles along. Waits for her best friend to notice her lifelessness.

But she never does.

Has she become so tangled within her own lies, that the truth was unable to come to light? Perhaps it is better this way, perhaps it is best if she goes unnoticed. Better for everyone else.

They don't need to know.

* * *

With her daily life comes the responsibility of being not only the guardian of the miraculous, but the guardian of the city of Paris itself. When the Akuma arrives, she finds a silent part of herself wishing for someone else to lift the burden from her shoulders. For someone else to be Ladybug, and yet there is no one. In the end, she is alone, and it falls back to _her_ to be the hero. She does not want to transform, for she feels tired, so very tired. She longs to rest, but a hero never rests, does she? And so she goes against her weak heart's desires, and becomes the spotted heroine they all know so well. She hears her partner call out to her—_"Ladybug!"_—and wonders why her heart aches with regret. How many times had she scolded him for calling her "Buginette"? And yet, it had become so natural in their flow of conversation, she longs to hear it once more, though she'll never say so.

He's moved on, or perhaps he was _trying_, and she should be glad for him. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? For so long, she's denied his advances, and now she's gotten her wish. It must be the loneliness, she decides, for it seems to settle into her bones. It makes her weak, exhausted, and the battle is far more difficult than it should have been. There is very little energy left within her when her fist connects with Chat's at the end of the battle, and yet he doesn't seem to notice.

Perhaps no one will.

* * *

She's in her bedroom when she hears her name being called by her mother. Dread settles in, and she wishes she could vanish entirely. Ironic, how she wishes to be left alone when she feels so very lonely. But once more, she forces herself to submit. 

She peeks her head out, and there he is. Blue eyes staring up at her, and for once she feels as though she is solid, she is human again. That flicker of hope lights up within her once more, and she grasps onto it as she emerges from her bedroom.

"Luka," she says simply. Not much of a greeting, but he seems to understand. He holds his arms out for her, and she nearly collapses into his embrace. He holds her tight, and she is filled with warmth. Safety. He does not understand, and perhaps he never will, but he sees. He sees her, he notices her, and it is so much more than anything she's felt all day. A smile comes to her lips, unbidden, and she closes her eyes. Fights the tears burning their way to the surface.

"Do you wanna go get some ice cream?" he says softly, and only she can hear him. 

She nods once.

"I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided i really want to focus on how the pressure is weighing Marinette down. because honestly, she *is* only one person, and there is only so much she can take. handling a double life was one thing, but also now having to guard the miracle box (which is a HUGE responsibility) will surely make her feel ridiculous amounts of pressure. and i want to explore how she feels about this, and how it affects her mindset.
> 
> OH also i really want ladybug to slowly develop a crush on chat noir, especially since she's given up adrien, only to realize that he has given up on her too and let the angst commence...........
> 
> also i prefer the french dub so chat calls her buginette instead of bugaboo


End file.
